Thanksgiving Dinner For The Win
Start by firing up a large pile of charcoal:
While the coals are heating up it would be a good time to prepare your wood chips. In this case I decided to use some Jack Daniels chips which are supposed to be chips from their old whiskey barrels. I can assure you that the smell of whiskey was strong. I soaked mine in apple juice for extra goodness.
Once your flaming pile of charcoal becomes a pile of hot coals divide the pile in two and move them to the extreme edges of your grill. We are using indirect cooking to achieve a moist smoky bird. Direct cooking would result in uneven temperatures and burns. This was the first time I had used Jack Daniels chips so I also threw some of my apple juice soaked chips just to get an idea of what the smoke was going to smell and taste like. If you are not happy with the results at this point you can move to a backup smoking plan. This is much better than wasting your guests' time with apologies and rotten tasting food. Failure to plan is indeed a plan to fail. Also install a drip pan under where your bird is going to sit. You want to catch the drippings for making gravy and as pro-active fire suppression. You may be tempted to bypass this step out of laziness but most assuredly your friends, their kids, and their kids kids will talk about your nasty turkey behind your back at every Thanksgiving for decades to come.
Now toss on your bird. For this occasion we chose an organic 13lbs turkey. While this is by no means a large bird we are sophisticated people who hand select the few who should be in our presence. Besides, you don't want to come across as a friend whore do you? Of course not, you will be sending out signs of desperation which is ultimately the stench of weakness. Where were we? Oh yeah, the bird. You will want to cook the bird somewhere between 12 - 15 minutes per pound. Simple math tells us our bird will be cooking somewhere between 2 1/2 hrs - 3 1/4 hrs.
Due to the amount of cooking time this an excellent way to 1.) stay out of the way of your siginificant other, 2.) avoid other menial kitchen tasks due to the importance of your role, 3.) spend some time getting to know your friend(s) better, and 4.) consume many frothy beverages if that happens to be your thing. An area of importance that I must stress is that perfection needs to be strived for. Because of that it is necessary to check on the bird from time to time. Dereliction of this duty is unacceptable and will only result in you being made the butt of all jokes within your circle of influence. I check every 30 minutes. During those checks I am doing important mental calculations such as "Do I need more charcoal to keep the coals going?" and "Should I add more wood chips?". These are critical to your ultimate success. Here is the result of my first 30 minute check:
At that time I determined that our coals were fine but we needed some more wood chips thrown on the coals. Your friends will take comfort in the fact that you are indeed somewhat working and putting a tiny bit of thought into their contentment and this will pay big dividends. Unfortunately the mental aspect of this is only one part of it. Execution should always be your next step upong forming an assessment of the situation. If you are not a man of action then now is the time for you step up and put your big boy pants on and possibly grow a pair. Here are the results of my execution:
As you can see my actions yielded immediate results. If your actions do not yield results then perhaps you need to question the actions you took. If you cannot find anything wrong with your actions, perhaps you need to step back a moment and review all prior actions. If by this time you cannot find fault it is time to hand in your man card and move back in to mommy and daddy's basement. It is important to note that while immediate results may yield satisfaction we are really shooting for a long term return on your investment. Here now are the staggered results of my actions:
Start by firing up a large pile of charcoal:
While the coals are heating up it would be a good time to prepare your wood chips. In this case I decided to use some Jack Daniels chips which are supposed to be chips from their old whiskey barrels. I can assure you that the smell of whiskey was strong. I soaked mine in apple juice for extra goodness.
Once your flaming pile of charcoal becomes a pile of hot coals divide the pile in two and move them to the extreme edges of your grill. We are using indirect cooking to achieve a moist smoky bird. Direct cooking would result in uneven temperatures and burns. This was the first time I had used Jack Daniels chips so I also threw some of my apple juice soaked chips just to get an idea of what the smoke was going to smell and taste like. If you are not happy with the results at this point you can move to a backup smoking plan. This is much better than wasting your guests' time with apologies and rotten tasting food. Failure to plan is indeed a plan to fail. Also install a drip pan under where your bird is going to sit. You want to catch the drippings for making gravy and as pro-active fire suppression. You may be tempted to bypass this step out of laziness but most assuredly your friends, their kids, and their kids kids will talk about your nasty turkey behind your back at every Thanksgiving for decades to come.
Now toss on your bird. For this occasion we chose an organic 13lbs turkey. While this is by no means a large bird we are sophisticated people who hand select the few who should be in our presence. Besides, you don't want to come across as a friend whore do you? Of course not, you will be sending out signs of desperation which is ultimately the stench of weakness. Where were we? Oh yeah, the bird. You will want to cook the bird somewhere between 12 - 15 minutes per pound. Simple math tells us our bird will be cooking somewhere between 2 1/2 hrs - 3 1/4 hrs.
Due to the amount of cooking time this an excellent way to 1.) stay out of the way of your siginificant other, 2.) avoid other menial kitchen tasks due to the importance of your role, 3.) spend some time getting to know your friend(s) better, and 4.) consume many frothy beverages if that happens to be your thing. An area of importance that I must stress is that perfection needs to be strived for. Because of that it is necessary to check on the bird from time to time. Dereliction of this duty is unacceptable and will only result in you being made the butt of all jokes within your circle of influence. I check every 30 minutes. During those checks I am doing important mental calculations such as "Do I need more charcoal to keep the coals going?" and "Should I add more wood chips?". These are critical to your ultimate success. Here is the result of my first 30 minute check:
At that time I determined that our coals were fine but we needed some more wood chips thrown on the coals. Your friends will take comfort in the fact that you are indeed somewhat working and putting a tiny bit of thought into their contentment and this will pay big dividends. Unfortunately the mental aspect of this is only one part of it. Execution should always be your next step upong forming an assessment of the situation. If you are not a man of action then now is the time for you step up and put your big boy pants on and possibly grow a pair. Here are the results of my execution:
As you can see my actions yielded immediate results. If your actions do not yield results then perhaps you need to question the actions you took. If you cannot find anything wrong with your actions, perhaps you need to step back a moment and review all prior actions. If by this time you cannot find fault it is time to hand in your man card and move back in to mommy and daddy's basement. It is important to note that while immediate results may yield satisfaction we are really shooting for a long term return on your investment. Here now are the staggered results of my actions:
