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The thread you've been waiting years for is a reality: JoshPants

synonymous

Better than you.
VIP
This is excellent. Next you should start making your own yarn and going for a crochetted/knit something or other like A is constantly cluttering up my house doing.
 

BobKid

Bite me!
VIP
Holy crap! I can't believe the infamous joshpants actually got made and worn in public after all this time and I almost missed the thread. :clapping:
 

mojokat

coma toast
VIP
probably because Joe, just waking up from his nap, moved it to OT light before the forums were merged.
 

Clark Kent

BANNED!
If I were to re-write these little characterizations, I say a man should have some understanding about "how to play a musical instrument, drive a standard transmission automobile (or motorcycle), be familiar with the US Constitution, understand and explain all four major sports, run two miles unaided, weld metal, solder wires, and read an electric schematic or blueprint, own a good drill, operate a computer, cook for himself, catch a fish, and make pants."

That last little piece is what brings us here to this point. Before I get too far into the details, however, I should share the story of how this came to be.

Background: Sarah and I were, one day several years ago, wandering about the shopping mall aimlessly. I certainly do not recall the object of our mission there, only that our discussion at one point turned to pants and how they were expensive. It was at this point that I declared that I could make pants, and that they cannot be difficult. Sarah immediately began to laugh at me and highly doubted that I could make pants. I insisted I could, and she insisted I could not. It soon became a $1,000 bet. I had 30 days to make pants once I started, and if I did, and they were adequate to be worn in public, I would win. If however, they did not meet the definition of pants or simply could not be worn in public, she would win. Considering that I have little pride, I knew in my heart that I would have no problem wearing, out in public, what would meet even the loosest of definitions of pants, and I felt sure I would win.

OK, the equipment: When I finally decided to get going on this, the first trip was to target. At target, I picked up the following pieces of equipment, which were suggested to me by a buddy in Texas.



This ran me about $18. I cannot overstate what a pile of junk it is. Having said that, it has now earned a special place in my heart. It took me about an hour or 90 minutes to just get used to threading the needle and making a seam. The instructions that come with this thing are absolutely terrible, and the pictures even worse. The real downside to this machine is that it makes something called a "one way" (or something like that, I have no idea), which means that if not tied down, you can simply pull the entire seam back out. Obviously, this was a scary proposition to one who needs to wear these pants out in public. I solved this problem two ways:
1) Every seam on the pants is a double seam, each going in opposite directions.
2) I tied down each end as best I can.
Tying down the ends was difficult and required use of a tweezers. Luckily, I'd had a few opportunities to shadow surgeons, and so I tried to emulate their excellent technique. Certainly, my technique is NOT good enough for any sort of internal organ stitching, although it is definitely good enough for pants, and I improved over time. Incidentally, I think I could tie an artery, Mr. Parton.

My trip to Jo-Ann Fabrics: Sarah and I went on a Saturday evening around 7 or 7:30 pm on the way to dinner. Ladies, I apologize, but this paragraph is for the men. Gentlemen, no two ways about it, this was walking into a hen-house unlike any other I've seen. The place was packed, and it was a Saturday night. I couldn't believe it. I was honestly overwhelmed with the selection, and it took forever for the few employees at the cutting table to work their way through all those hens, and myself, of course.

I'd spent literally years debating what kind of material to buy. Denim? Likely too thick for the sewing maching I had in mind. Canvas? That would be kind of cool, probably easy, and likely utilitarian for when I was done. Fleece? I liked the idea of this, but I was afraid it would be too thick for me to tie my knots off, although great in winter. Flannel? A little pajama-ish, but another possibility, and the one I eventually settled upon.

Any special print? I was initially thinking something plain, or maybe a tan canvas. Once overwhelmed by the selection at Joann, I spent probably 20 minutes trying to find the perfect materials to make my perfect pants. Eventually, I settled on what is pictured in flannel here. HA! How awesome is this? I'm making baseball pants. Yahoo for me.



I also got myself a rope belt in red, since I'll obviously need to hold my pants up. A rope make a nice belt. Over my years working on cars in the garage, I've had a lot of inferior, impromptu belts made of things like bungy cords with hooks, loose electrical wire, or small extension cords. Once I even tried an old garden hose. It is no leather belt, but I'll say again, a rope makes a nice belt.





I didn't notice that little warning until I got home. No worries, I'm not a child, and I do not plan on using these for sleepwear.

I made a blueprint: A few friends suggested I purchase a pattern. I could not imagine a dumber idea. JoshPants come completely from the mind of Josh. Therefore, there would be no pattern. Secondly, I'm not even sure what a pattern is, exactly. Thirdly, even if I knew what a pattern was, I'm not sure I could follow it. Finally, I already had a pretty good idea of what my pants were going to be since I had years to think about it, and that's when I drew my blueprints of what JoshPants were going to be.



JoshPants: Where does the name come from? Basically, any time I invent something, I like to put my name on it. I'm not that creative. Maybe in a future blog I'll share my recipes for "JoshFish" and "Josh-a-dillas."

And so, a little side story: I'm down in the basement, working diligently away on JoshPants when Sarah comes down to work on her computer. She immediately spied my blueprints and began laughing. I demanded it back. Then she pointed out that there weren't even measurements on it! I told her I did not need measurements, I knew what I was doing. I can assure you that the blueprints were of a big help to me, and you'll soon see why as I have recorded my progress in making them.

Getting into the project: So, I got to work doing some measuring. I just made guesses at the measurements since I know my waist and inseam...and I proceeded to ignore both of those numbers. (Yes, that is a tape measure shaped like a Green Bay Packers football helmet. I figured it would help this project ooze awesomeness).



Then, I made my first real cut, separating the legs.

You're more of a mid-20th century man, aren't you.
 
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